The Carharrt Apocalypse: Why Dating is Hard in the City

On any given Thursday afternoon, you can find me in my room swiping mostly left on Tinder going through many profiles, and while it’s different men it always looks like one man made 100 different profiles to see which would profile would be most successful. I guess every man in New York City is an identical twin. You know the outfit. Beanie. Cargo pants. Vintage white tee. Layered oatmeal sweater. A Carhartt jacket. Trader Joe’s tote bag. And a prized pair of “dad shoes” that at some point used to cost $39.99 at Walmart and now retail for $120 at Urban Outfitters. Don’t forget that this hybrid of man accessorizes with a thick mustache to complement his favorite pair of Warby Parker’s owned in black, tortoise, or a translucent yellow. Yes, I refuse to believe that every man with this exact aesthetic has compromised vision; there’s just no way. He also probably hates the look of full sleeves, and instead, gets patchwork tattoos. The whole thing looks like something out of the television show “Arthur”.

What I just described is peak “manhood” in New York (or at least in Bushwick, Williamsburg, parts of Crown Heights, and neighborhoods around the city that are becoming more gentrified). It might sound like I’m judging grown men for having this aesthetic, but in reality, I’m more so judging the fact that people’s style choices are becoming more and more homogenous and it’s somewhat affected the New York City dating pool. Why are my dating options limited to privileged white boys that sell vintage T-shirts in Washington Square to “make it in New York”, yet were raised silver spoon fed?

I feel like there’s this unspoken desire to fit in when moving to New York for the first time. Like you could’ve had the “countriest” aesthetic and grew up riding horses, but once you move here for a job in consulting there’s an immediate pivot. A obsession with cloned fashions.

They all frequent a local “Bagel Pub” and earthy-looking cafes that pop-up in the same building that was once home to your favorite ma and pa restaurant. They have the same personalities and music taste and express their undying love for underground Hip-Hop artists like MF DOOM and The Alchemist (even though they grew up on Roger Waters). And on your first date, they‘ll try to put you onto Action Bronson’s latest album.

Now, I don’t have any mal feelings towards these types of men, but I think the fact that “this aesthetic” and aesthetics in general are the antithesis of being a New Yorker. To me, New York is the place where you see two people walking hand-in-hand down the street and think “Hmm, I would never place those two people together.” Where two people that are in-love look like they’re from different universes, while quite literally everyone around looks like inhabitants from their own universes as well.

It’s not that I wouldn’t date a man with this type of style; trust me- I have and you’ll probably catch me with another soon again. But, where are the guys who just like regular ‘ole basketball shorts and a white tank top? What happened to New York being the haven for authenticity, risk, and originality?