“Self-Advocacy”: Learning How to Give My Body Grace

I was diagnosed with Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) when I was 16 years old. It was hard for me to get a diagnosis from my pediatric gynecologist since she refused to provide me diagnostic testing. This would’ve included a simple blood test and an internal and external sonogram. During my appointment, she claimed that I was “too skinny” to have PCOS and accused me of wanting a diagnosis just so that I could get birth control pills. I felt frustrated by her decision as it left me with so many unanswered questions about what was going on with my body. I still think about how unethical and dismissive she was and wonder how many other patients had to experience that same treatment. Though, regardless of her disimissiveness, I remained determined about figuring out what was going on with my body.

It wasn’t until a little over a year after my first appointment that I met an angel of a healthcare provider, a physician’s assistant, who met me with grace over my health concerns. In my appointment, I opened up to her about experiencing irregular and heavy periods and terrible cramping. At the time, I felt very uncomfortable in my body and noticed that none of my friends were having the same issues as me. I even joked that looking back, it was unfortunate that at just 13 years old, laser hair removal treatments were on my Christmas list.

During my appointment, I was provided testing with no hesitation, and received an official diagnosis within the time I was there. My PA had sat me down in her office and explained everything. I had a diagnosable amount of cysts on my ovaries, which meant it was vital for me to start looking at different treatment options. I needed to both address the issue at hand while also taking preventative measures that would save me the stress of having to deal with infertility down the line. She explained a “10-year process” of cycling through medications that would try to help regulate my hormones, stop the development of more cysts, make my periods more manageable, and promote fertility. This came with a few downsides, one being that these outcomes were not guaranteed and another being that the medications could have really adverse side effects on my physical body and mental health.

After weighing my options, I decided to take my PA’s recommendations and started on birth control. It wasn’t a hard decision at first, but over time I became reluctant about taking it everyday. It made me nauseous and I had gained weight in a way that looked unpleasant on my body. I was now even more self-conscious, hadn’t seen any improvements, and was only a couple of months away from prom. I remember trying on prom dresses and feeling unrecognizable.

Between my senior year of high school and freshman year of college, my issue of disordered eating had worsened, and I now had terrible body dysmorphia. I eventually came off the pill and decided I wanted to take a more holistic approach to dealing with PCOS. I felt like no medication recommended to me (Birth Control pills, Metformin, etc.) would heal me of my symptoms. While PCOS isn’t a curable condition, it is one that can be managed through healthful lifestyle choices. So, I began my journey of trying to nurture my body in a more informed and natural way. I already ate “whole” foods, but became more aware of food allergies that caused inflammation in my body. I also started doing low-impact exercises that didn’t increase my Cortisol levels. I became more proactive about healing myself.

In conclusion, my PCOS journey has been a mix of challenges, frustrations, and self-discovery. While conventional medications offered temporary relief, they also came with drawbacks. I realized that my biggest accomplishment with all of this has been advocating for myself and staying true to my beliefs. I knew that I had PCOS before receiving a diagnosis, and while I found a healthcare provider who was eager to help me, I had to steer towards a holistic approach that worked best for me and my overall well-being. What I have realized is that healing my body is my own responsibility and the power resides within my own hands. Through this journey, I’ve learned that the key to sound health is consistency and at 23, I continue to learn new things about my condition. I also now have an understanding of PCOS where I will never let the ups and downs define me, my health, or my womanhood.