A Recipe for Misrepresentation: Black Women, Dating Culture, and Reality TV

Reality TV dating shows are a staple pass time for audiences seeking entertainment and perhaps a glimpse into the world of modern romance. However, for black women, the representation on these shows often falls short, perpetuating harmful stereotypes and reinforcing narratives that seem to misrepresent our worth in the dating landscape.

When we tune into these shows, we’re confronted with a glaring absence of black love stories. Instead, black women are often relegated to the sidelines, portrayed as supporting characters in the romantic pursuits of others. We are seemingly the runner-up and oftentimes get the “second-choice” treatment, especially if we’re not seen as palatable for white audiences. When I was in high school, one of my favorite reality dating shows was MTV’s “Are You The One?” It was one of the very few reality shows that had a diverse cast, which is highly uncommon in dating shows as most of them only cast one black woman and one black man. Moreover, there’s an unspoken expectation for black contestants on the show to end up together, while their counterparts are given the freedom to explore the full spectrum of romantic possibilities. White cast members are consistently portrayed as optimistic and free to love without constraints, while black participants often feel pressured to adhere to a predetermined script and fill specific roles within the plot.

As I’ve matured, I’ve found it increasingly difficult to engage with new seasons of reality dating shows, as I’ve become more aware of recurring patterns and tropes. While I had previously watched and enjoyed both the first and second seasons of “Love is Blind” on Netflix, my perspective shifted after seeing snippets of third season on TikTok. These videos provided enough insight for me to form opinions about Clay and AD’s relationship, particularly as a black couple on the show. Additionally, I came across interviews where they both revealed the significant influence producers have on portrayals of members on the show, with intentional editing often skewing narratives, especially for black cast members. We’ve seen these scenarios play out in some of our favorite shows, “Love & Hip Hop”, “Basketball Wives”, the Housewife franchises, etc.

The absence of black love stories on reality dating shows has real-world implications for how black women navigate the dating landscape. Dating apps, for instance, reflect a similar disparity in representation. Studies have shown that black women receive significantly fewer responses and matches compared to their white counterparts, highlighting the pervasive impact of media representation on dating preferences and perceptions of desirability. As a black woman, I can openly admit that the disparities of dating culture in the 21st century have deeply affected my self-worth and perception of self. It leads me to question whether I am truly deserving of love, reciprocity, and commitment. I find myself wondering if I’ll ever find myself in a loving marriage, with children, and the quintessential white picket fence. It’s apparent to me how effortless and ordinary this seems for my white peers and friends, while I constantly feel the weight of exerting immense effort just to maintain a fleeting connection or even a casual hookup.

In conclusion, the underrepresentation of black love stories on reality dating shows is not merely a matter of entertainment but a reflection of broader societal biases and systemic inequalities. To challenge these harmful narratives and promote a more inclusive and equitable portrayal of love, we must demand more from our media platforms. Black networks should take the lead in creating dating shows that celebrate black love in all its beauty and complexity, showcasing positive and sustainable relationships that resonate with black audiences. Additionally, we need to shift away from television shows that center on unstable family and romance dynamics, and instead prioritize narratives that uplift and empower marginalized communities. Ideal black romantic relationships shouldn’t be limited to fiction; it should be an honored and conventional experience in our community in everyday life.